In Twilight

That was a lazy Saturday morning of rainy season……more cloudy weather wet and cold…..the cold and wet atmosphere was matching up with my mood…which was frozen like it since how long I didn’t realize….so all and all everything was in rhythm the mood the day and the coldness…of body, mind and soul I guess…I do not realize it more now a days…I think the feeling of numbness makes you forget hell lot of things….but not the pain.
The day started normally and I thought of doing some routine work before taking the afternoon break so I was in hurry to go back to numbness…..in a hurry I stepped out and felt strong intuition that some this is going to be wrong…horribly wrong…and that feeling didn’t scared me…instead it gave me high…like some tempting…addiction ….to find pain more severe than what’s burning in heart…I clutched my hands right across my heart just to minimize the pin….worthless effort thought…
I stood numb in the rain which was making wet the feeling which I use to hate and now so used to it .I knew that one more step and I won’t be able to control the consequences even though I knew what’s going to happen…..so I decided to check it….let’s see which pain overcomes let them fight….i was hoping that the physical pain that i will be going to face will surely divert the other pains…constantly surrounding me..like they have no other place to go. I kick started my bike with little trembling hands and accelerated the speed….and there it is I saw the right place where I knew I’m going to lose control if not controlled now….but the adventure was very very tempting to go through this…a sharp pain intensified somewhere in my heart…that made me realized it is still there making me realize that I’m still alive…..to embrace more adventure…to see the limits of pain…from all sides……..while thinking about this I lost control…and next moment my bike skidded and I was flat on the ground………it took a moment for me to realize where I am…..people surrounding me…trying to help me….and checking out me if I’m ok…still conscious..While they were worried about my consciousness…I was busy checking….the intensity of the pain…and comparing it with the pain in the part of my body called heart….it was still there….no difference …I lost the battle the physical pain was not sever than that pain….i knew that I was badly injured physically…but I cared a dam for it….the moment I realized this…..i got up…checked my bike if its in good position…and decided to take a long ride…so that I realize how much pain my injury causes….so there I was riding a bike…in drizzling….and came back home…and just to provide little just a little relief to my injuries….i cleaned and went back to reading….started from last page to next page…and concentrating mostly on the injuries to intensify pain….and comparing it stupidly……opsssssss I really liked this adventure……its kind of fun…its kind of I like to remain in this state…it gives me high….feeling high…………..and I wished this moment should be freezed….like it did long back…like it did when I realized it more fun acting like a machine…than a humanbeing……and I closed the chapter to return back to my world…world of humans

compassion!

They say it’s the feeling of which helps you to understand others and their point of view. We can be compassionate without being empathetic…compassion and empathy although sounds similar they are not.little difference.being loving ,caring,reaching out to others,helping without any self interest,understanding the value of humanity,treating fair and equal are few examples of compassion.Compassion is a deed which doesn’t involve any interests .For example helping a blind man to cross the road shouldn’t be done with a feeling that it’s a sure shot ticket to get place in heaven It should be out of your desire to help people…because by doing this you should feel good,satisfied and content,that’s compassion.
So be fair in relationships…never hurt people around…..and treat fairly….it hurts badly when people humiliate…give unfair treatment. Learn the lessons of life….its now…time is now…..they say its easy to fill and recover the physical wound…..but when your hurt at heart it’s not visible but it bleeds a lot…and it never heals….stay away from such deeds…..that's unforgivable crime…never hurt…never ever.Be little compassionate!!!

I dream of a fairy land!

Fairy tales are something every little girl grows up with. Fairy tales a sweet potion for sweet dreams and lovely sleep. This is the most lovable activity between a mother and daughter or a daddy and a daughter or may be grandparents and a child. We all have gone through that stage and loved being in those sweet dreams of enchanted fairy world where everything ends with the sweet ending of “and they lived happily ever after”

Every little girl grows listening to those sweet stories and dreaming about the same prince charming riding a white horse with a sword ,who is strong, tall lean and handsome with golden hair and green eyes, with a warmth in them and with a wind chasing him, who is stranger but so familiar.And you start living in those dreamy fairy tales of your grand mom and start actually believing that there is a prince charming and one day he will sweep you off your feet and you will fall in love and you will also live happily ever after in your own kingdom…kingdom of happiness!

And I’m sure every little girl must have asked the same question to her grand mom , “nanny how do I know that he is my prince charming? How do I know if he loves me?…and got the same answer of ,”you don’t have to do anything your heart will tell you..it will guide you and take you to the right person and you will realize …”he is my prince charming!” He will find you and take you to the far far away …to his kingdom’. What silly questions and silly answers are those. But we all believed in it till the point we face the real world prince who may not be so charming in manners and who don’t mind breaking hearts.

All fairy tales are just enchantment to make you feel good while you are sleeping so that you don’t get affected by the harsh realities of the world. In real world how many people understand the true meaning of love? In today’s world everybody changes the definition love according to own convenience isn’t it? Love changes with change in time and change in relationship. It doesn’t take much time for people to make statements and change it. Otherwise how is possible a person changes who says he is madly in love on one day and says it’s not love another day? Weird and unbelievable. What makes you behave so weird and how can a person be so selfish? Most of the time it’s not love but a desire to possess a person of your choice and when ,when that desire is fulfilled so does the definition of a relationship and love.

Wake up! Wake up! From all those sweet dreams…world is not that rosy...the world is not fairy land…and there is no such concept of prince charming…..

Today,the essence of love is replaced with the odor of selfishness. The kindness of heart has succumbed to the evilness of mind. And the world has lost stories…stories of glories, happiness, love, and bravery and now we need to write a new story without any fairy lands and fairy worlds.and start believing that a kingdom of happily every after do not exists.

Or start believing in those stories and create the new world with a new faith keeping the evilness of the mind aside and letting the magic of love in the heart to create the new world….so that we can pass on the sweet dreams to new generation without hesitating that they won’t come true and continue the grand moms tradition. Choice is ours what to pass on………… so be conscious what you do to others, how you treat people. Don’t break hearts and don’t hurt anybody. Remember you can run away absolutely from everybody in this world…but my dear your heart and your consciousness will be with you like a shadow. Can you run away from it???? You are answerable to it all the time!

"We have to kill the most loving thing...the Love sometimes"

We have to kill the most loving thing...the love sometimes? When I was reading the fiction by paulo coelho..and came across this line it really caught my attention and I started realising how many times in life we have to do this....its true....

I realised...how many times we have to kill the most loving things..not only things...feelings...emotions...relations which are very close to our heart.Feelings which are genuine but may be not right for the person/situation.And the worst thing is we knew that we have to control or kill your feelings or we have to break all bonds, but is it that easy? We know that its out of our control..we just can't terminate the emotions and feeling like an automatic machine.but we have to do it and what are we afraid of ....many a times the fear of suffering is worst than the suffering itself...isn't it?But we keep walking convincing our self that with time everything will be alright...time is the greatest hillier for all worries...the tried and tested philosophy of our human life....but is it so...does it apply every time? Time is really a hillier for all worries/wounds? there are people out there i am sure carrying the broken hearts and feelings and dreams suffering all their life carrying the baggage of all this and just living the life....is that really a life you call worth living?

I always believed that Life is a wonderful gift...and everyday when we woke up we get a new blank canvas gifted by God so that we can start a new life any moment...any day. I realised the importance of this pattern of day and night and thought...may be not today but tomorrow I can live my life as I want. I can avoid the same mistakes...I can give one more chance to myself....every suffering is just helping me to grow as a strong person...So I decided to kill the most loving thing assuming that may be this is not for me...I have to walk on a different path...so I have decided to kill the most loving thing and ........ just keep walking!!

LOVE…..HOPE……DESIRE……PAIN!!!!

It was a strange dream……..I heard a knock on the door…

Tak ..Tak …Tak…, the knock on the door, who is it? Asked the LIFE inside.
Its us Love, Hope and Desire, can we come inside? No, please leave you are knocking the wrong door. The doors are closed for you all three. Here stays a LIFE, separate from the life outside.
Upon hearing this answer they go. Only to come back again

Tak ,Tak Knock on the door, this time love came along with not just hope and desire but pain as well.

The three , changes their appearances and knocks the door. They knew they will get entry by deceiving. They enter and life inside the door changes (although momentary..but it become beautiful by the grace and charm of love)But Pain is still outside the door…waiting silently. The LIFE asks who are you your arrival has made my life beautiful? You have changed my entire life. Love says I’m your “FRIEND” and I came to make your life beautiful .” Friend?” “Which friend “?the LIFE asks again? I’m your new friend and I came to your life because I feel you need me and so do I. Life accepts the explanation and says ”O finally you came…be mine forever and stay with me for the rest of my life”. Upon hearing these words from LIFE…Love feels that it has already committed and possessed by somebody else. so LOVE replies ,” no my dear…..I have to leave I’m not your friend I’m love and I’m possessed by somebody else. I just came here to stop for a while and to check if any feelings left in you. Do you still feel any emotions? And what I have realized is; although the doors were closed for a long time for LOVE, HOPE and DESIRE you and you started living in your own world You still have those feelings deep down….buried somewhere. My job was just to check it out. I did my job and now I have to leave……..with these words LOVE left along with HOPE and DESIRE. The LIFE shatters again…but the PAIN which was waiting patiently outside the door enters inside to give a company to LIFE and closes the door so that nobody enters again.

What does that mean…some things in life are really strange….

Art of putting face

"World is great stage and we are playing different characters"…Shakespeare said so. That touched my heart and I thought isn’t that true…indeed we are playing different characters everyday..every moment. Through our life the journey makes us play different characters..roles..and play around new themes..new plots..new situations..and new places as well. But eventually we become expert in playing all roles and don’t realize the changes it brings to our personality, life. But along with role what we change is face…..the real face and the face to show the world.

But putting up different faces is a real difficult art and can be achieved with great skill and I believe that the intensity of experiences good or bad makes you learn to wear the new faces.But what makes it important to wear a different face?Because your Face is the mirror of your heart,emotions and you can not wear them and show it to the world all the time. With time I felt that its and interesting art to learn to put such face that you show little or no feeling, no expression and many problems will be solved automatically. May be this is not going to work all the time. But I have decided to give it serious try.

Mind v. Heart

“It’s the choices make us what we are;so we should always make right choices” wonderful..a good lession to learn. But are we always able to do that? Many a times we follow our heart knowing that it just going to lead us toward the pain at the end of it. But still we became slave and follow it wherever it goes. We make this this mistake rather a common mistake in our life again and again ;And everytime we get hurt we learn this lession all over. Listen to your heart but take the decisions only by listening to your mind.

When it comes to decide who is right we always tend to blame our mind saying that o its so cruel and heartless to think and take decision by following your mind and ignoring your heart, cause we believe that our heart is the orgin of all our feelings…love, hope, desire, happiness, pain etc.so obviously we try and justify everything that heart says…weather its good or bad, and end up losing hopes…getting hurt…etc .But have we ever stopped doing it?

I’m sure everyone of us has made this mistake of following the heart even when we knew that its not going to work out. Why? Because we all love to take chances in our life..which means we live on hopes..hope of may be it will work for me…but does it? No it doesn’t. Then again we start blaming our heart but we forget that it’s the heart who is suffering the pain..Humans aren’t we expert in blame game J

Many a times we follow the heart and try to achieve the dreams but the journey is not rosy always. …sometimes the road becomes so painful that your feet gets hurt and start bleeding, your mind stops working and surrenders to your heart, and sometimes even the dreams get shattered and when dreams get shattered..your hearts and your hope gets shattered too. Then do we stop? No we walk through those shattered dreams with feet full of blood towards a new dream. Thats the human life and that new hope gives a meaning to live life all over again…isn’t it??