That was a lazy Saturday morning of rainy season……more cloudy weather wet and cold…..the cold and wet atmosphere was matching up with my mood…which was frozen like it since how long I didn’t realize….so all and all everything was in rhythm the mood the day and the coldness…of body, mind and soul I guess…I do not realize it more now a days…I think the feeling of numbness makes you forget hell lot of things….but not the pain.
The day started normally and I thought of doing some routine work before taking the afternoon break so I was in hurry to go back to numbness…..in a hurry I stepped out and felt strong intuition that some this is going to be wrong…horribly wrong…and that feeling didn’t scared me…instead it gave me high…like some tempting…addiction ….to find pain more severe than what’s burning in heart…I clutched my hands right across my heart just to minimize the pin….worthless effort thought…
I stood numb in the rain which was making wet the feeling which I use to hate and now so used to it .I knew that one more step and I won’t be able to control the consequences even though I knew what’s going to happen…..so I decided to check it….let’s see which pain overcomes let them fight….i was hoping that the physical pain that i will be going to face will surely divert the other pains…constantly surrounding me..like they have no other place to go. I kick started my bike with little trembling hands and accelerated the speed….and there it is I saw the right place where I knew I’m going to lose control if not controlled now….but the adventure was very very tempting to go through this…a sharp pain intensified somewhere in my heart…that made me realized it is still there making me realize that I’m still alive…..to embrace more adventure…to see the limits of pain…from all sides……..while thinking about this I lost control…and next moment my bike skidded and I was flat on the ground………it took a moment for me to realize where I am…..people surrounding me…trying to help me….and checking out me if I’m ok…still conscious..While they were worried about my consciousness…I was busy checking….the intensity of the pain…and comparing it with the pain in the part of my body called heart….it was still there….no difference …I lost the battle the physical pain was not sever than that pain….i knew that I was badly injured physically…but I cared a dam for it….the moment I realized this…..i got up…checked my bike if its in good position…and decided to take a long ride…so that I realize how much pain my injury causes….so there I was riding a bike…in drizzling….and came back home…and just to provide little just a little relief to my injuries….i cleaned and went back to reading….started from last page to next page…and concentrating mostly on the injuries to intensify pain….and comparing it stupidly……opsssssss I really liked this adventure……its kind of fun…its kind of I like to remain in this state…it gives me high….feeling high…………..and I wished this moment should be freezed….like it did long back…like it did when I realized it more fun acting like a machine…than a humanbeing……and I closed the chapter to return back to my world…world of humans
